Your thoughts?

[melmax]

I have learned the hard way that helping with money is not helping me at all. I am hoping I get the money back and I do my best to have that as his and mine discussion, not her, mine and his. He finally started paying me something back after 6 months, it's a start. thetexan57, I agree with you, I do think he is a snake and I called him out when I talked to his dad...his dad told me to take the boy to court if needed. It's too late on me sending the message to her Mom and sister, I was doing this to allow them to access the situation as I don't live close to them. But, his message- the full message just made me question him. last week he had sent another one about not ready to marry. I did not send that one on. I think he is just not ready and I think he is feeling pushed into this and it will end badly.

[LLB]

Originally Posted by melmax

I have learned the hard way that helping with money is not helping me at all. I am hoping I get the money back and I do my best to have that as his and mine discussion, not her, mine and his. He finally started paying me something back after 6 months, it's a start. thetexan57, I agree with you, I do think he is a snake and I called him out when I talked to his dad...his dad told me to take the boy to court if needed. It's too late on me sending the message to her Mom and sister, I was doing this to allow them to access the situation as I don't live close to them. But, his message- the full message just made me question him. last week he had sent another one about not ready to marry. I did not send that one on. I think he is just not ready and I think he is feeling pushed into this and it will end badly.

Yes it will end badly but really it will be what's best for your niece, sadly. I agree you should stay out of it and I know how hard that is cause I went through this with my son and his crazy (ex) girlfriend. I didn't give them money but my DH did over $10,000 after all was said and done. I wanted the money flow to stop but DH had hoped it would 'help' DS out but it just kept him in the relationship longer, the crazy GF thought we were her meal ticket. In the end my son was left penniless but most importantly he lost the 5 foot 200lbs weight that was around his neck and he also had learned several life lessons the hard way.
We want to help them out but in the end we can only be a sounding board. I think at this point you should only discuss the loan with him or just figure you are out the money and not talk to him at all. If they break up you will never see it anyway.

[Razorback Wife]

Originally Posted by melmax

I am not sure what size she is right now, but she wants to get one that is more like prom dress- long and tight and straight.

He has my phone number because he owes me money and he signed a contract with me and all of that, yep Penguin same guy I talked about before...only last I called his dad and this young man got mad at me for that--he should have been paying me back on time mind you...lol
I did send the message to my nieces mom and older sister so they can be on the look out. I think he wants to marry her, but not now. But I am not sure that he is good enough for her.

Maybe she thinks that YOU want her to have a used wedding dress to "save money" since he owes you money? And she is feeling obligated to do that? And he wants you to butt out since they are 2 separate issues? Nothing good comes of loaning money to family, especially with a contract. If I am ever in that situation, I would probably expect to kiss that money goodbye to save the family relationship. Don't you watch Judge Judy? I would just leave it alone. It's their business. :/

[Drivin'tooFast]

I suddenly am singing show tunes from Yentle.

[van]

Originally Posted by melmax

To me this sounds like someone not ready to wed, and someone that is controlling.

You read a lot into his texts. Maybe they just want to plan it alone and you're a little too involved?

[van]

Originally Posted by Drivin'tooFast

I suddenly am singing show tunes from Yentle.

I remember everything you taught, all the books I ever read.....edddddddd. Can all the words in all the books help me to face what lies ahead?????



DAMMIT DRIVIN TOO FAST!!!

[melmax]

I am out of thanks today, so will try try to remember to come back later.

He sent me a text telling me " I do want to marry her but as of right now we are just growing up and that is just more added stress that neither one of us need". ( this was last week, then the a few days later I hear they are getting married)

So that tells me he is feeling pressured. I spoke to her Mom and she said that she and her daughters best friend have told her they don't care for some of his behaviors as well, and are also concerned.

I have been behind them and supporting them in what ever they decide, but not now.

As for as the money, I feel pretty sure I will get it all back. It might just take some time...lol

I am more of the Judge Matthus type though